Among the things we don’t have forever to do is express our gratitude to someone significant in our lives. This could be a person who is presently important to us, but it may just as well be somebody from long ago — someone we have never forgotten. Very possibly a person having no idea of their enduring impact.
We do not have forever, dear heart. There are some things that just should not be put off. One of you will die before the other. There is no telling when your last chance will be to express what’s in your heart. It takes two to communicate, a giver and a receiver.
Have you ever been stunned by the abrupt demise of someone?
Is there someone like this in your own life, current or long-ago? Pay attention. These things matter.
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Such brimming joy has come to me, these recent years, because of (at long last) reaching out to a person of long-ago significance. People I’d had no contact with in decades. I wrote snail-mail letters or emails to them saying I’d never forgotten the role they played in my life. A choral conductor, a physician, a high school boyfriend. What a delight it was! I heard back from several of them — one of whom was to die not long after.
It may be a family member, one who has no idea of their favorable impact on you. Yes, relationships with significant people (especially kin) are often complicated. Never mind: it matters to say such things. Perhaps it’s someone you once worked with. A person whose shaping influence came in an era of your youth, and you remember them to this day.
Do it.
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You may have noticed that death does not send an advance notice of its upcoming arrival. Have you ever been stunned by the abrupt demise of someone — courtesy of a car accident, for instance? See what I mean?
If anyone has ever let you know how they appreciate you for something, whether ongoing or in the past, you know how moving that can be. While this is not the “reason” to go ahead and open your mouth about the unexpressed thing — until now, tucked inside yourself — perhaps the recollection of such an encounter, when it was you on the receiving end, will inspire you to go for it.
A few days ago, just after a snowstorm had blanketed my dirt road in inches of the white stuff, I stopped a plow guy clearing the road. He was very busy; there was a lot of snow. But we made eye contact, and so he paused, put his window down. I told him how much I appreciate what he’s doing. He lit up. It meant a lot to him. Saying thank you can be an ordinary, fleeting gesture; it need not be momentous. But it does feel good to be seen, doesn’t it?
Sometimes these expressions are one-way. I have written to very well known people to let them know of my gratitude, aware as I am that they are surely deluged with communication. One time it was to thank a U.S. President; another, I composed a letter to an admired author. Of course I know I will never hear back; I don’t need to. It’s enough to get it down — to click send, to stick a stamp on the envelope and drop it in the mailbox. (And once in a blue moon, I have received an appreciative response. Surprises everywhere.)
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It is courtesy of one such dear being that I am able to offer these teachings to you: she is my website person, Nicky Hardenbergh. Not only is she the brilliance animating the entire Jan Frazier Teachings enterprise; on top of that behind-the-scenes talent, Nicky is a gifted photographer whose lovely images — like the one above (see?) — grace the teachings. Nicky’s generosity knows no bounds.
This website is a true collaboration between two people carrying a high level of trust. We are able to laugh together. The miracle of such ease in a “professional” setting is like pure gold to me. We appreciate one another. Nicky is well aware of my gratitude to her. But it’s high time that I acknowledge her publicly. And so, before the eyes of “the world” (my readers), I am saying Thank you, Nicky Hardenbergh.
Neither of us being a spring chicken, I don’t have forever to thank her publicly.
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And by the way, this can all apply in equal measure to saying I’m sorry. Not long ago I expressed my heartfelt apology to someone very much in my ongoing life. Ever since then, our relationship has been vastly improved, as has the degree of trust. All of which has benefited those around us. It’s never too late . . . well, until it is.
Don’t wait, love. Do it. Now — while they’re here to tell. And while you’re here to say it.